Story About TEEN ♥

“Dad, is ghost exist?”
Beberapa hari lalu gwe makan bakmie di sebuah resto deket rumah, karena lantai 1 nya penuh, gwe diarahin ke lantai 2. Di lantai 2 cuma ada 1 keluarga yang lagi makan, parents with 2 children yang masih kecil. Anak pertamanya cewek umur 9 tahun kira-kira dan yang kecil, cowok umur 6 tahun-an. They described a happy family. Lagi makan dan ngobrol seru banget, without gadget in their hands. Bener-bener menikmati lunch timenya.

Gwe sama adek gwe kebetulan duduk di samping meja mereka dan pembicaraan seru mereka pun sampai di kuping gwe.
“Dad, is ghost exist?”
Anaknya kayaknya sekolah di sekolah international karena ngobrolnya campur aduk bahasa Indonesia dan bahasa Inggris.
“Can you see it?”
Bokapnya nanya.
Wah, seru nih. Sambil pesen makanan, kuping gwe makin terbuka lebar buat dengerin obrolan mereka. 

“Nope, but my friends say they see ghost.”
“Can they prove it?” Bokapnya nanya lagi.
“If I say, I just saw a ghost, do you believe me? Kalau Dad bohong, bisa-bisa aja kan?”
Anaknya bengong sambil mikir denger penjelasan bokapnya.
“There’s no such thing as ghost. And also God.”
*untung makanan gwe belom keluar, jadi gwe gak keselek*

Dede gwe udah semangat bener ngupingnya, he literally ngeliatin meja sebelah sampe perlu gwe omelin dulu biar kupingnya aja yang nimbrung, matanya kagak.
“If you can’t prove it that they are real, then there’s no such thing as ghost or God.” Jelas bokapnya.
“But my teacher says kalau ada ghost, we pray then ghost-nya ilang.” Kata anaknya polos.
“Coba sekarang you pray to God minta sepeda, then you open your eyes, sepedanya ada nggak?”
Anaknya lagi-lagi bengong. Gwe rasanya pengen pukpuk-in anaknya sambil ngomong, ‘don’t stop believing.’ Tapi takut ditimpuk bapaknya pake sepeda. Wkekekeke.

Terus nggak lama bokapnya pergi ke lantai 1, gwe penasaran sama reaksi nyokapnya soalnya daritadi nyokapnya diem aja. Eh, terus nyokapnya ngomong,
“Makanya lain kali kalau orang cerita apa, jangan langsung percaya ya..”
Yah, sepaham ternyata nypkap sama bokapnya. Nggak lama keluarga itu kelar makan dan pulang meninggalkan gwe yang tiba-tiba merasa si bakmie nggak seenak biasa.
Then gwe mikir, how to prove the existence of God ke orang-orang yang punya prinsip, ‘if you can’t see it, then there’’s no such a thing.”
…..
Terus gwe keinget sama film Narnia, how that film describes Christianity. Pas Lucy discovered lemari dan Narnia, no one believes at her. Dan simple, yang nggak percaya nggak bisa lihat. Cuma yang percaya yang bisa masuk ke lemari itu dan nembus ke negeri Narnia.
Is that all Christianity is about? Believe.
If you don’t believe, then you can’t see anything, can’t feel anything.
Misalnya, kita nggak percaya ada bintang di langit sana, maka yang kita lihat di malam hari, kita anggap planet, or apalah.
Kalau kita dari awal nggak percaya Tuhan, we deny all things yang padahal Doi yang bikin. Kalau kita nggak percaya Tuhan, kita anggap bumi tercipta karena benturan apalah itu. Kalau kita dari awal nggak percaya Tuhan, kita anggap semua kenikmatan yang kita dapatin karena usaha kita. Kalau dari awal kita nggak percaya Tuhan, kita anggap semua harta kita karena orang tua kita yang bekerja semaksimal mungkin.
…..
Satu hari, my friend asked me setelah dia certain baaaanyak banget masalah hidup yang dia alami selama ini.
“Tuhan tuh kemana aja ya selama ini?”
She left me speechless that day. But then gwe keinget pemikiran gwe di atas itu.. Kalau kita nggak percaya, kita pasti udah deny from the first step yang bikin kita nggak ngelihat apa-apa.
Kayak si kakak-kakaknya Lucy yang dari awal udah nggak percaya sama Lucy dan Narnia di balik lemari, they found nothing.
…..
Kalau kita percaya Tuhan ada, kita tahu meskipun things get rough, Tuhan ada di samping kita. Meskipun kesannya Dia nggak berbuat apa-apa, tapi kita PER-CA-YA Dia sebenarnya peduli dan sayang sama kita. Though nggak bisa dibuktikan dengan teori ilmiah atau kadang nggak bisa dibuktikan dengan kasat mata, but we believe anyway.
Kalau kita percaya Tuhan ada, kita tahu,
Mas-mas yang barusan kasih kita duduk di saat kita capek banget di busway itu cara Tuhan peduli sama kita.
Tante-tante yang tiba-tiba nawarin roti di saat kita lagi super kelaperan nunggu bus itu cara Tuhan peduli sama kita.
Teman yang tiba-tiba telepon jam 1 pagi di saat kita sedih dan nanya kabar kita, itu cara Tuhan peduli sama kita.
Teman yang bawain makanan di saat tanggal tua dan duit kita udah menipis, itu cara Tuhan peduli sama kita.
Dan segudang cara lainnya yang Tuhan buat sebagai bentuk Dia peduli dan care sama kita.
Kalau kita percaya Tuhan ada, kita tahu, yang orang  lain bilang sebagai kebetulan, itu cara Tuhan peduli sama kita.
Kalau kita percaya Tuhan ada, kita tahu, yang orang lain bilang musibah dan cobaan, itu cara Tuhan bentuk kita menjadi sesuatu yang kita juga nggak tahu, tapi kita tetap percaya
…..
“Kok lo mau sih percaya padahal nggak ada bukti ilmiah atau lo sendiri bahkan nggak bisa lihat?”
“Because that’s all Christianity is about, you have to BELIEVE. By believing, then you’ll see.”

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:29 NIV)

*currently listening to He Will Not Let Go by Laura Story*

I don't even know where to start. Too many things happened lately.

I turned to 24.

I faced (probably) the toughest week of my life.

(setelah zaman putus pas SMA dulu, iya pas SMA terakhir pacaran. *harus sedih apa gimana*)

It started, on 1st October, in the beginning of my favorite month.

One of my sisters in Christ whatsapp-ed me and asked me to write an article for her ministry with theme 'Quiet time'.

And I simply answered, 'when I feel lack of it, I don't think I can do it.'

Then she laughed and said she knew it that's why she asked me to write about it.

(cici yang satu itu emang bakat jadi cenayang)

But I still, can't write about it. I feel I'm having super in a rush week, and months.

October is a month filled with projects and deadlines in my office.

Woke up and slept like a panda. (Wekeke)

But funnily, those time, I had a favorite song titled 'Engkau gembala yang baik' which the lyric taken from Psalm 23.

And when I told her about my fav song, she told me she almost sent me those verse, Psalm 23.

On the next day, I found Psalm 23 on the internet that I read.

"He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name." (Psalm 23:3 NLT)

I was shocked for the repeated verse I got, Psalm 23. Little did I know, that was a sign from God to prepare for what is coming.

6th October 2015.

Feels like a storm hit, and a super big wave crushing in.

Feels like your parents get divorced and you have to choose in 3 days. Whom should you stay with.

It happened. Not in my real family, but in my second family. Hm, in my church.

Nothing bad happened. It's just one of our associate pastor has another calling to do. Which then He left the church, lead a new one. And the effect, many of us followed him, his vision and support him. It's an exciting journey tho for them. But for me, it was like *JEGEEER* because my loved ones, the ones who support me these past years go with him while I think I got from God that I have to stay in my current community.

It's a week full of tears. Not only for me but for all of us. FULL of tears.

But on those days, I remember what Psalm 23 says.

Those days were the days when you can't listen to anybody's opinion and you just have to listen to what God put in your heart. To know which way you should take, to stay or to leave. Nothing wrong, nothing less important than the other option. What matters is what God tell us to do, personally.

The Lord is my shepherd, He leads me beside quiet waters,

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, 

I will fear no evil for You are with me.

I can't write here the details of the darkest valley I've been through this week. 

But it dark enough to make me cry the WHHOOOLLE week

But knowing He has prepared me for this such of time,

Knowing He is always near and He knows what is happening soothe my heart.

Knowing He let all this happen for a reason is promising.

I remembered last year, while we were preparing for youth and teens camp. The theme popped up in my heart, EXPANDED. Which become the name of the youth and teens camp. And that is what God really doing these days. Expanded! He is expanding our heart, our capability. Talking about expanding, nothing comes easy. It's all about process. Stretched until you worry that it will break into pieces. Expanding talking about process. But it gonna be worth it at the end.

New season. This is what it's all about. Entering the new year of mine and the new year of Jew last September, I've learning about one thing. Only hold on to God. My heart and flesh may fail but His promises yes and amen. His promises preserves my life.

These past few weeks, I do learn lots of things. A LOT.

1. In the quietness of His love, I found my strength.

All we need is to rest in Him, put away all the fear, the doubt, the worry and rest in Him knowing He is God. Then the small gentle voice will speak in your heart. You just have to be quiet, and listen.

2. ALL things work together for good.

Though we might not understand what God is doing, please know that He is a builder, not a crusher. What He is doing is to make something new, better and cooler than what we can imagine.

3. Align with God is never easy, but that is what life about.

This is my wish entering 24. For my heart aligns with God's heart. For my life aligns with what He wants. And alignment is never easy. It caused pain and hurt sometimes. But if it what really matter, then why need to run away.

4. Hold on to God, not to people.

Those things make me stand alone. I was forced to meet and work with new people I've rarely talk with. My comfort zone in a *BAMMM* was 'taken' from me. My inner circle of friends. Yes, we still be friend, but not again under the same ministry. I was 'forced' to learn that God is my only source of strength.

5. I am loved.

And that's enough to give me courage to carry on and take a step, one a time. Not only by God, but from people surround me. Entering 24, I've received LOOOOTS of love letters from my beloved friends, received a bouquet of roses and lily which represent what I've dealing nowadays. Moments of pruning and pure heart HAHAHA :""). (beratt euy). 

.....

I hope you can understand the summary of what I'm going through these 19 days lately.

And I want you to know, whatever your process right now, no you're not alone.

Keep in mind that all things work together for good.

Take some moment of quiet time, rest in His love.

Then His love will renew you, refreshes your soul.

And it gives you strength, to carry on.

Even on the darkest valley, you'll keep on moving.

Knowing He is with you, all this time.

*currently listening to Nearness by Bethel Church*

Blame on my period, these days lately, sisi melankolis gwe meningkat drastis tanpa ijin. Entah kenapa tapi ada beberapa momen di hari-hari ini yang bikin gwe realized one thing. Bahwa gwe punya rasa ketakutan berlebihan untuk ditinggalkan orang-orang yang berarti buat gwe. I've been through this a lot. Mungkin awalnya nggak sadar, but then ternyata kayak efek bola salju yang membesar dan bikin paranoid.

I once had a story. It happened ketika gwe masih kecil, masih sekolah minggu. Back then I had a favorite guru sekolah minggu. Gwe gak mau sama orang lain unless with her. Gwe bahkan stayed 2 years with her padahal harusnya gwe naik kelas dan ganti guru but I chose to stick with her. Until one day, pas lagi perayaan Natal. Dia jadi make up artist gitu dan gwe as a kid dancer. I remembered clearly what she said kalau dia nggak suka dandanin orang setengah-setengah. Jadi sebelum dia dandanin gwe, dia kelarin dandanin satu-satu anak. Tibalah giliran gwe, dan pas lagi make up in gwe, di tengah-tengah dia menghilang dan entah kemana. It made me kinda shock dan baper (dari kecil I was that baper). I forgot the rest of the story that night, but I never forget that scene.

And again, what I thought is just a simple thing ternyata nggak sadar malah jadi pemancik traumatic in my life, the fear of being left. 

Lalu, randomly tadi pas di shuttle bus. Di saat gwe sedang merefleksi diri kenapa gwe lagi baper banget hari-hari ini, I remembered one scene in Bible tentang hal yang sama. Ini interpretasi gwe loh ya, but I think, one of the biggest factor yang bikin Tuhan Yesus ketakutan sampai nangis keluar air mata darah adalah karena Dia takut ditinggalin sama Bapa.

Bukan serta merta takut karena Dia bakal disalib, disiksa, dan dianiaya sama tentara Romawi. More than that, Dia takut ditinggalin sama Tuhan. Dia takut ditinggalin what matters most to Him, His Father. Because He knows for sure, once He sacrificed Himself for human, Dia bakal terpisah sama Allah Bapa karena dosa manusia.

And this what made Jesus worry and scared, more than anything.

Di sela-sela gwe menulis ini, I was thinking, how amazing my God is. Entah kenapa gwe merasa God was trying to tell me that it's normal somehow to feel this kind of feeling. Fear of being left alone. Fear of being no longer be loved, di saat gwe berpikir... 'Asli, gwe lebay banget!'

But what matters most is how we respond. Again, I was reminded about this verse, 

'My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.' -Psalm 119:50

And what is His promise?

'.. Because God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." -Hebrew 13:5b

And there's still a lot about God's promises of never leaving us in the Bible. 

Set your mind on things that are above, not on earthly things. Maybe this what I should hang on to these days. Stop thinking about earthly things when I have an insurance in Christ alone. People changes, seasons passes, but His words are yes and amen. His promises preserve my life.

*currently listening to Made for Worship - Planetshakers

"Be strong....."

That was the message my Pastor prayed for me last night. 

Lucunya, jadi ceritanya lagi di rumah doa generasi alias tiap Kamis minggu pertama every month we pray for generation, Terus, biasalaaah every leader from its department disuruh maju didoain. Which i'm not one of them jadi yaaa ga maju ya. But deep inside my heart kayak pengen sih didoain meski gak tau harus didoain apa karena well, nothing really a big deal in my life nowadays.

Nothing happened, sampai doa berkat. Tapi pas mau doa berkat, our Pastor tiba-tiba bilang 'yang mau didoain boleh stay while yang mau pulang boleh pulang.' dan itu udah malam. Around 9.30 pm. Gwe yang biasanya selalu pulang naik shuttle dan harus kabur dari senci ke tempat shuttle dari jam 9, hari itu gwe pulang naik taksi karena sebelumnya gwe abis liputan kerjaan, jadi dapet transpot pulang. So I didn't have to rush ke shuttle. So I stayed, buat minta didoain.

"Mau didoain apa?" He asked.

"Anything." I said.

Awalnya dibecandain dulu, doi malah tanya lagi, 

"Udah ada nama??"

yang gwe sambut dengan shock.. Secara lagi altar call sis, trus si Pastor gaul ini malah nanya aneh-aneh plus senyum renyah diikutin temen-temen gwe yang rencana awal jadi catcher tapi malah nguping the whole prayer. HAHAHA

I forgot the rest of the prayer (seperti biasa -_-) but one thing I remember adalah, He prayed for me untuk be strong, jangan kayak ilalang yang suka ketiup angin, jangan moody and I have to stand strong soalnya I berdiri di atas Firman Tuhan. Kurang lebih begitu.

Pas lagi didoain, honestly gwe sedikit mikir dan kaget. Tuhan, kenapa tentang strong-strong-an lagi. Gwe lumayan beberapa kali didoain untuk jadi kuat, and I have no idea which part of my life yang gwe harus be strong. Apakah gwe bakal dibawa pelayanan ke suku-suku pedalaman? Atau gwe bakal punya pasangan hidup yang ganteng dan kaya raya so I have to be strong karena doi bakal punya banyak fans cewek (yeaa melenceng aje sish). And so yeah, I think.

Kelar didoain, gwe jadi pengen banget nanya ke my Pastor itu, apa maksudnya. Apa yang dia dapatin sampai dia doain gwe tentang be strong. Tapi siapaaalah gwe ini, mana ada keberanian buat nanya ke doi. Since he is my Pastor yang paling gwe segenin HAHAHAHA. Tiap doi dateng pokoke gwe mau melipir ajalah bawaannya. But funnily, malam itu gwe pas mau turun sama temen gwe berdua. We're waiting for the elevator, trus tiba-tiba si Pastor juga nunggu lift. Dan lift yang ditunggu masih jauh di lantai bawah while we're in 8th floor. Yaudah deh gwe memberanikan diri buat nanya, 'Ko, why be strong?'

And he answered me, "Pas doain kamu, pokoknya saya diingetin tentang ilalang. Ilalang itu gampang kebawa angin, gampang ke kiri ke kanan. Nah kamu harus be strong. Kayak Simon yang arti namanya ilalang, tapi diubahin sama Tuhan jadi Petrus yang punya arti batu karang. Jangan gampang moody."

Tanpa tahu maksudnya apaan, air mata gwe uda ngalir aje (emank dasarnya cengeng). Then I thank him dan pulang. Di jalan gwe mikir, apa ya maksudnya..... Dan BAM! I know! Maybe what God was trying to tell me adalah......

Be strong! Kalau Tuhan udah bilang A, promise A, be strong! Jangan gampang kebawa angin keragu-raguan, jangan gampang kebawa angin galau, khawatir, bahkan angin 'mati rasa' which I sering membiarkan diri gwe diombang-ambingin. Di satu momen gwe bisa merasa, 'Gileee I was made for more! God have great plan for my life!' dalam waktu beberapa minggu or bulan, gwe bisa merasa 'What am I doing here??? Tuhan, apa sih nggak ngerti? Udah deh nggak mau Tuhan-Tuhan lagi ya."

Mungkin ini maksudnya gwe kayak ilalang yang gampang kebawa angin. Then I have to be strong berdiri di atas Word of God. When all else fails, we all know that God's Word won't fail. Kalau udah begini caranya, kan keterlaluan kalau besok-besok I still doubting my life and His plans in my life.

Belakangan ini lagi suka istilah 'Loved when I least deserve it.' Siapa kita sampai dicintai Tuhan sebegitunya, dipeduliin Tuhan sebegitunya. :") And if He does this for me yang nggak ada apa-apanya, He surely does the same thing to you. He knows you, and He is trying to talk with you in His marvelous simple ways. Cuma, are you listening to His voice? Dan stop membiarkan diri sendiri untuk ditiup angin-angin yang bikin masuk angin dan nggak enak badan.

*currently listening to More Than Enough - Jpcc worship*

As a church, what's in your mind ketika melihat ribuan anak-anak muda di satu tempat besar?

Sometimes somehow, pas gwe lagi ada di kerumunan anak-anak muda di satu event, misalnya konser Hillsong atau Planetshakers gitu, pengen banget rasanya ada yang kotbah dan bilang 'kalian nggak boleh lagi ngerokok, nggak boleh lagi freesex, nggak boleh lagi mabok-mabokan karena your body is God's temple.' But you know what, beberapa waktu lalu pas lagi ngobrol sama temen gwe about LGBT, hypergrace (doktrin yang percaya keselamatan nggak bisa hilang, no matter what), dan issue-issue yang lagi hot-hotnya di gereja-gereja, we realized that somehow church's role is not to teach what is right and what is wrong.

Seringkali sebagai gereja kita hobi buat ngajarin apa yang salah apa yang bener. Mendidik jemaat untuk ikut doktrin ini, ikutin pemahaman yang ini, udah pokoknya ngikut aja ngerti nggak ngerti. Gereja hobi banget kekeuh buat suruh jemaat ikutin mana yang 'bener', dan buang jauh-jauh mana yang 'salah.' I'm not saying ini nggak tepat. But somehow yang tiba-tiba popped up in my heart, 

The main role of a church is to bring God's Presence to the room so people can experience personal encounter with God.

Percuma pendeta teriak-teriak di atas mimbar bilang kalau selingkuh itu dosa. Freesex itu dosa and so on. Yaa mungkin jemaat bakalan cuma merasa tertohok sesaat, tobat selama seminggu terus minggu depannya ngulangin hal yang sama. Itupun kalau jemaatnya yang agak 'bener', atau lebih parah sekalinya pendeta kotbah gitu, jemaatnya sakit hati dan nggak balik lagi ke gereja. Again, i'm not against that kind of sermon.

Tapi this what God reminds me, perannya gereja, perannya kita adalah untuk bawa hadirat Tuhan, being God's presence jadi Tuhan sendiri yang touch each person dan BOOOM! Repentance happens. Kadang kita terlalu fokus sama technically things and put aside the spiritual things. 

Percuma kita fokus sama doktrin ini itu, teori ini itu, teknik ini itu, program ini itu kalau kita gagal bawa hadirat Tuhan ke sekitar kita. Jemaat atau orang-orang nggak akan experience turning point kalau mereka gak ketemu langsung dan ngalamin Tuhan secara personal. This post is just a reminder for myself. Percuma kita berusaha kasih tahu seseorang mana salah mana bener kalau kita gagal jadi His Presence carrier. 

And as I write this post, this verse came to my mind,

"Siapakah yang boleh naik ke atas gunung TUHAN? Siapakah yang boleh berdiri di tempat-Nya yang kudus? Orang yang bersih tangannya dan murni hatinya." (Mazmur 24:3-4a)

Kalau kita aja masih belom bersih tangannya dan murni hatinya, how can kita berharap orang-orang sekitar kita bisa ketemu Tuhan dan ngalamin Tuhan while kita gagal jadi His Presence carrier. Mostly people see what can be seen before they believe on the unseen. They see us as cerminannya Tuhan. 

'Orang Kristen kok kayak gitu?' kalau kita masih diginiin sama orang-orang sekitar. Buru-buru deh kita yang bertobat sebelum tanpa sadar keep people away from God Himself. So whoever you are, a worship leader, a singer, an event coordinator, a musician, atau belom pelayanan but you are a Christian. Remember that our main role is not teach people what should they do, but to be a God's Presence carrier. Because when there's His Presence, there's healing, there's repentance, there's miracle.

Believe it or not, gwe dulu orang yang gampang banget merasa kesepian. Sekitar pas gwe masih SMA, gwe bisa yang malem-malem felt so alone and lonely dan gwe cuma bisa nangis gak jelas, atau cari temen msn-an (dulu zaman msn sish) dan kalau nggak ada, gilee bisa super lonely banget.

Weird, tho?

Tapi ternyata gejala ini dialamin sama hampir semua anak muda. Beberapa temen sempet cerita ke gwe dan yang gwe tangkep, they feel lonely somehow. Even yang keliatan dari luar super happy dan jadi 'badut' temen-temennya. They too feel lonely. Tadi temen gwe cerita ada anak temen bokapnya yang bunuh diri. Padahal dari tampilan luarnya, he seems okay dan ceria. Miris. Yep.

Praise God gwe sekarang udah gak kayak gwe yang dulu. Gwe nggak lagi mewek di tengah malem karena merasa kesepian dan gak punya temen, sok-sok merasa gak ada yang peduli sama gwe. One thing I realize, manusia memang diciptain dengan satu kekosongan yang emank cuma bisa diisi sama kasihnya Tuhan. 

Makanya banyak orang yang punya harta berlimpah then decided to end their life dengan cara bunuh diri. Banyak artis populer yang meninggal karena bunuh diri dan drugs karena merasa lonely. Seceria apapun orang itu keliatannya, seberlimpah apapun hartanya, semewah apapun hidupnya, if they don't have Jesus in their life, they will experience that loneliness. 

Gwe yang lahir dari keluarga Kristen dan sekolah minggu dari sebelum gwe bisa ngomong aja dulu masih kelilit rasa kesepian. Apalagi for those yang belom kenal Tuhan. But the point is, bukan masalah loe kenal Tuhan apa enggak. More than that, do we really believe in Him and put Christ in our heart?

Enggak, Tuhan nggak egois buat nyiptain manusia buat nggak bisa hidup tanpa Dia. Tapi sama seperti handphone yang secanggih apapun tetep butuh listrik buat nge-cas, manusia juga gitu. 'Sehebat' apapun, tetep butuh SADAR dan connect sama kasih Tuhan buat tetep hidup. Apa berarti si Steve Jobs egois karena bikin handphone yang harus di-cas? Nope. Emank dasarnya kayak gitu, everything needs something buat 'menghidupinya'. Gak bisa cuy hidup sendiri begitu aja. Pohon butuh matahari, printer butuh tinta, mobil butuh bensin dan indomie butuh telor (heheee), but you get the point, didn't you?

Semua butuh bergantung akan sesuatu. Dan manusia, butuh bergantung sama sumbernya, Kasih Tuhan. Tanpa sadar kalau kita sesungguhnya dikelilingi kasih Tuhan, kita mati cuy. Entah mati beneran karena depresi, atau mati rohani. Sekarang gwe udah sadar kalau gwe butuh kasih Tuhan. That's why sekarang tiap kali the melancholy feelings come, gwe langsung cari kasih Tuhan. Btw, bukan berarti kasih Tuhan itu adanya mati-nyala loh, cuma manusia-nya aja yang harus sadar.

Gimana buat gwe sadar kasih Tuhan? The simplest thing I do adalah dengan pasang lagu rohani dan nyalain aja berulang-ulang. Kadang ada lagu-lagu yang kayaknya nyangkut di hati dan otak gwe, then gwe cuma dengerin lagu itu berulang-ulang. Atau, dengerin sermon, baca buku rohani dan yang paling penting, baca Alkitab.

Those simple things yang bisa bikin kita inget lagi kalau kita dikelilingi kasih Tuhan dan percaya deh. Secara bertahap those feeling of loneliness disappear. Sama kayak hape kalau lagi low-bat dan di charge. 

So each time, we feel lonely and alone, mungkin itu tandanya kita lagi low-bat dan butuh di-charge lagi. Don't run away, jangan cari penghilang rasa kesepian di tempat yang nggak tepat. If you feel lonely, jangan cari di tempat clubbing, jangan cari di drugs dealer, jangan juga ngebet punya pacar dengan pemikiran kalau punya pacar nggak bakal merasa kesepian karena ada yang temenin mulu. Run to the Source of Love itself. Punya pacar atau enggak, nggak menentukan loe kesepian atau nggak. Trust me (eyaa kayak punya pacar aja). Really, run to Him. Gak tau gimana caranya? Through those simple ways. Dengerin lagu rohani, muji nyembah. Baca Alkitab, baca buku rohani, dengerin sermon, dateng ke gereja. And somehow, loneliness is a siren that God misses you so much and He longs to have your attention back to Him.

*currently listening to Like A Fire-Planetshakers*

Few weeks ago, ada satu kabar yang menggemparkan dunia. Yes, pelegalan gay 'right.' Diperbolehkan pernikahan sesama jenis yang memicu pro dan kontra. I won't talk about this topic in details karena for me, I'm on the contra side to the things yet I still love the people (cause i have some gay friends) but I love them enough to tell them that........ that's not excusable. Well, yang mau gwe omongin di sini adalah, people try so hard to be accepted. Dengan adanya hukum yang melegalkan itu, 'mereka' merasa diterima dan diperlakukan 'adil'.

Then I realized how important the feeling of being accepted. Diterima, diperlakukan adil, dianggap. These are the most essential thing for many people, I assume. Then most of people try so hard to fit in, we try so hard to fit in. We try so hard to feel accepted, we try so hard to receive approval from people.

We dress up, we make up, we post instagram-able pict on Instagram, we post many 'cool' moments on Path, we hang out to the fancy cafe, we use high-tec gadgets, and so many things we do actually in the pursue of accepted. Ketika kita merasa nggak diterima, merasa diperlakukan nggak adil, merasa dicuekin, we upset. We disappointed, we hurt. 

Ironisnya, kita mencari penerimaan di dunia yang sementara. Oke, tahun ini kita pake iPhone 5 dan kita 'diterima' oleh society. 5 tahun kedepan, we have to change (again) in order to be accepted. Kita berlomba dengan perubahan yang ada untuk bisa diterima. Sedihnya, kita salah cari penerimaan. While in fact, we have already accepted by the One who created the earth. So why on earth we try to be accepted in the eyes of people?

Kenapa kita harus ngelakuin banyak hal untuk bisa fit in dan diterima ketika kita udah jaaaauh diterima apa adanya sama Tuhan and we were born to set apart, live sacred life, not to fit in. 

"Kok lo mau sama dia?

"Karena dia nerima gwe apa adanya?"

"What? Dia maksa lo buat kurus, dia maksa lo buat make up kalau lagi pergi sama temen-temennya, dia maksa lo buat pake high heels, itu yang lo maksud 'dia nerima gwe apa adanya'?

"Ma, aku pengen iPhone.."

"Buat apa dek? Kamu kan udah ada hape.."

"Tapi kurang canggih ma, temen-temen aku semua pakenya iPhone.."

Pernah ngalamin atau denger kisah sejenis ini? Dengan alibi 'nerima gwe apa adanya,' then kita iya aja sama apa yang terjadi, apa yang kita alamin even kalau itu sebenarnya buruk. Kita ngebet ikutan pake gadget paling hits tapi mahal cuma karena 'semuanya juga pake.'

Gwe geregetan menyadari kalau ternyata kebanyakan masalah yang menyangkut tentang perasaan dan ke-humanity-an itu berasal dari keinginan dan kehausan untuk diterima.

Serius deh, padahal kita udah diterima seada-adanya dan seapa-adanya sama Tuhan. Instead of seeking of human's approval yang syaratnya aneh-aneh dan suka berganti sesuka zaman. Mendingan ikutin terms and conditionnya Tuhan aja yang selalu sama setiap waktu. 

That term and condition tells us that we are accepted always, we are worth and precious in God's eyes and nothing can define our worth unless our Creator Himself. :)