15 October 2018

Through It All

So, last Saturday our youth service celebrated something. 

If you remember what I once wrote, in 2015, hereWhere my youth leaders and one of my pastoral decided to make another church and be separate with us. 3 years after, we're here, still survive, still alive, still breathing. All because of God's grace. That is why for the first time, we decided to celebrate it as special service at our youth community. 



I, as you can say... the oldest there, shared some thoughts that's in my heart these 3 years. Too lazy to write all things again here, i'll just copy pasted from my note ya. HEHEHE.

Mungkin beberapa ada yang pernah datang dari 3 tahun lalu dan bertanya-tanya kenapa kok kita rayain YCSC yang ke3. Sedikit sejarah, 3 tahun ini dihitung dari momen YCSC rebirth. Siapa yang percaya kalau all things work together for good (Romans 8:28). 3 tahun lalu, ada momen dimana gereja kita kena goncangan lokal dan dari 70an jemaat dan pengerja youth, tersisa cuma gak lebih dari 20. Pengerja dari 30an jadi cuma 11 waktu itu. 
Tapi disclaimer, hari ini kita ga akan bahas tentang luka di masa lalu, justru hari ini kita mau ngerayain penyertaan Tuhan yang super dahsyat dari momen itu sampai hari ini.
Waktu itu inget banget, dari 30an itu cuma tersisa 11 yang lucunya, semua ada porsinya masing-masing. Tim PPw ada orangnya, acara ada, pendoa ada, semua pilar penting di youth tetep ada orang-orang yang handle it. Ibarat Tuhan udah siapin siapa2 saja orangnya from the beginning.  
Waktu natal 2015, inget banget. Dulu 11 orang ini, kita kayak anak bawang lah dulu di youth. Yang pindah semua tuh yang tanda kutip jago-jago, pinter. Kayak anak ayam ilang induk. Dr oktober ke desember, tentunya kita ga punya sumber daya buat adain acara natal. Ppw tiap minggu aja dibantu tim depmus sampe waktu itu ada wacana youthnya mau diubah jadi cool, alias ditutup bahasa alusnya. 
Nah pas natal itu, lucunya ternyata baru dikabarin kalau udah pernah ada janji sebelumnya sama ketua youth yang dulu, kalau ada tim dari sydney yang akan melayani. Dan itu mereka take care semua, dari tim ppw sampe kotbah bahkan sampe CD yang awalnya mereka bawa buat dijual, pas sampe sini ketuanya kayak bilang, dia tergerak buat ngasih aja ke jemaat. Personally aku shock dan mewek liat Tuhan peduli banget sedetil itu sampe acara full di take care sama orang lain krn Tuhan tau saat itu kita belum capable dan Tuhan mau kasih tau, He cares. 
Masa-masa itu kayak bener2 diajarin buat setia. Setia sama apa yang didepan mata, dikerjain aja sebisanya. 11 dari kita semua kerja rodi, aku sama nita lah ikutan jd singer, jd pendoa juga, semua kita rambah for the sake of youthnya jalan terus. 
Kenapa?
Karna aku personally dan smua 11 temen yang lain udah ngerasain Tuhan banget selama di youth dan kita pengen youth tetep ada, buat anak2 muda senci yang haus ketemu Tuhan dan pengen punya komunitas. Meski waktu itu (dan sampe sekarang), harga yang dibayar banyak banget. Dari pergi pagi pulang tengah malem, diomelin ortu gara2 youth mulu (sampe akhirnya uda gak diomelin) wkwkw. Tapi belajar banget yang namanya setia. 
Throwback sedikit..
Waktu oktober 2015 itu pas dikasih tau kalau ada pemisahan antara ps b dan sebut saja a. Sejujurnya itu kayak durian runtuh tepat di kepala, sakit bet. Karna semua inner circle aku memutuskan untuk pindah. 
Aku bukan tipe audibel, tapi waktu itu kenceng banget di hati aku, cuma satu kata, pemurnian. Kamu melayani Tuhan karna apa? Temen? Motivasi apa? Cari hiburan? Apa? Cari pengakuan? Disitu aku tau, God asked me to stay. Meskipun berat banget, nangis kek orang patah hati. Tapi ngeliat sekarang, ngeliat YCSC, semua pengerja, jemaatnya, ngerasain Tuhan setiap minggunya di YCSC, bersyukur banget hari itu we chose to stay, we chose to fight for YCSC yang kabarnya bakal dibubarin waktu itu. 
Yang aku pengen highlight-in adalah.. Belajar setia itu sulit. Banyak harga yang harus dibayar, tapi percayalah kalau penyertaan Tuhan selalu iya dan amin. Di balik segala sesuatunya yang terjadi, God makes all things beautiful. Pada masa sebelum 2015, aku cuma jadi adik2an, nyaman dengan status adik rohani yang diayomin. After itu, aku ‘terpaksa’ diajar untuk jadi dewasa, untuk jadi ‘kakak’, untuk jadi teladan. Jatuh bangun banyak, tapi dont ever give up. Miliki satu mindset, if you can use anything Lord, you can use me. Cuma punya hati yang, Tuhan mau ngapain, aku ikut. Tuhan mau kemana, aku ikut. Aku gak bisa sendirian, tapi aku tahu, sama Tuhan pasti bisa dan hasilnya.... i’ll be amazed.


and now here we are, 30ish pengerja and 60ish jemaat with total up to 100 sometimes. It was..... craaazy. Through it all, only by Grace.

06 August 2018

Lihat, Bisa Kan?

Hi!

It's been a while, lagi-lagi blog ini dianggurin :(
So, I will write something yang fresh from the oven, baru aja terjadi kemaren....

Jadi kemaren itu gwe baru aja ke house warming temen gwe, younger than me, tapi karir oke, dan udah punya rumah sendiri. Pulang dari sana, on the way ke youth service, gwe pake google maps, dari Bintaro ke Senayan City. Yauda tanpa mikir dua kali, ikutin aja tuh jalan akhirnya...

Terus tentunya, setiap kita lihat/tahu pencapaian orang lain, somehow we do comparison. Ya ga? Kita lihat mereka bisa, kok kita begini. Kita lihat mereka begitu, kok kita beda. Ya kayak gitulah... And suddenly all the bad things overwhelm in my head. Wajar gak sih, manusia? dan ya jadi gitu, sepanjang jalan w mikir....

Semisal, duh kapan kawin. Duh kapan punya rumah. Duh, zaman gini semua serba mahal. Duh, sanggup gak ya punya semuanya sendiri, bayar semuanya sendiri, and all those stuffs.

Terussssssss... tanpa sadar tuh Google Maps bawa gwe ke jalan entah berantah! Jalan super tikus yang kiri got kanan uda gesekan sama mobil orang, wah bener-bener super kecil jalanannya and I was super stressed! Karena gwe lagi pake mobil nyokap yang.... kalau kebeset, harga polesnya bisa gaji gwe sebulan langsung lenyap :(

Sampe ada abang-abang grab baik hati yang bener-bener mandu jalan gwe, dan gwe maju seinci demi seinci. Doi sabarr banget sampai kayak, kiri mbak, kanan mbak, lurusin aja bannya, gapapaa bisa.. gitu terus ada kali kira-kira 100 meter! IYA SEPANJANG JALAN SEKECIL ITU JALANNYA.... Gila stress sejadi-jadinya :""")

Dan banyak banget momen dimana gwe rasa, mobil gwe gak akan bisa lewatin, soalnya spacenya bener-bener kecil di mata gwe! Kanan udah mobil orang, kiri got campur batu gede banget. Pokoknya beneran gwe mikir gwe gak bisa lewat. Sampe gwe bener-bener diem gak mau gerak. Tapi si abang grab sabar banget bilang, bisa mbak bisa.... dan... FINALLY gwe berhasil lewatin tuh rangkaian jalan sempit.

The moment gwe berhasil lewatin gang itu... tau gak, God spoke to me, "Lihat, bisa kan?"
Terus... gwe nangis sejadi-jadinya! Air mata ngucur terus sampe my bf yang sedari tadi di mobil shocked kayak hmmmm karena sebelumnya kita sempet debat, jadi dia pikir w nangis karena itu (HEHEHE).

"Lihat, bisa kan?"
Gak audibel, tapi ay kan feel, He spoke to me.
Lembut, tapi kayak nyindir (hehe maaf Tuhan).

Lihat, apa yang kamu kira gak bisa lewatin, bisa kan?
Lihat, apa yang menurut kamu mustahil, bisa kan?
Lihat, dunia mungkin makin sulit, tapi sama Aku, bisa kan?

.........

Gak cuma itu.
Sampai di youth, emang hati lagi melankolis, w masih berderai air mata.
Balik dari toilet, masuk ruangan, WLnya lagi ngomong gini..
"Maaf Tuhan kalau kita sering pakai logika kita, kita sering gak percaya. Tapi kita mau belajar percaya sama Tuhan" - kurang lebih gitu.
LAH GIMANA W GAK MAKIN NANGIS KEJER. :""")
Secepat itu Tuhan comforted me, secepat itu Tuhan consoled me..
..........

I don't know what will happen next.
Tapi ku tahu,
Allahku ada di setiap musim hidupku.
And with Him, pasti bisa.

21 January 2018

Your Presence is Heaven to Me

As a Christian, ngaku deh.... berapa kali lu udah pernah denger or nyanyiin lagu ini? Apalagi those with karismatik aliran, udah bosen kali ya tiap denger lagu ini..


Jujur, gwe nyanyiin ini ampe udah super bosen.. like, God's presence is like heaven to me... i'm more likely dan cocok with Bakmi babi is like heaven to me.. *digeplak malaikat.

But you got the point? Keseringan nyanyi lagu itu somehow bikin cuma jadi lip service.

Tapi malam ini, after longggg numb nights. I finally realized the meaning of this. Bukan baru realize deh, baru diremind lagi aja..

Your Presence is Heaven to me..
God, Your Presence is Heaven to me..

Malam ini gwe diingetin...... sebagai anak Tuhan, yakinlah, satu hal yang paling lu gak mau alamin dan rasain adalah, gak bisa ngerasain Tuhan, gak bisa rasain hadirat Tuhan.

Rasanya kayak tertolak sama orang tua sendiri.
Rasanya kayak diputusin pacar pas lagi sayang-sayangnya.
Rasanya kayak gak dianggep sama sahabat lu pas ketemu di mall karena dia lagi jalan sama temen barunya yang super populer.

Sesakit itu. Dan rasa sakit gak bisa ngerasain hadirat Tuhan lama-lama bikin lu jadi mati rasa. Jadi apatis dengan keadaan sekeliling lu, jadi bodo amat sama Tuhan dan semuanya. It's dying!

Iya, rasanya kayak gitu.

Dan setelah waktu yang lama lu rasain mati rasa itu, pas once lu ngalamin Tuhan lagi, ngalamin hadiratNya, it brings you source of hope. Kayak tiba-tiba ada angin sejuk di tengah siang bolong. Kayak tiba-tiba ada oasis di padang gurun. And I know that was like Heaven to me!

Ngerasain Tuhan,
Ngerasain Tuhan jalan sama kita,
Ngerasain Tuhan ngerti hancur hatinya kita,
Ngerasain Tuhan tahu pas kita lagi nangis tiap malem,
Ngerasain Tuhan peduli dengan apapun yang terjadi di hidup kita,
That's all we need.

And you know what, the good thing of this adalah.....

You just have to seek Him!
"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all of your heart" -Jeremiah 29:13

Because,
"Where can I go from Your spirit? or where can I flee from Your Presence?" -Psalm 139:7

dan malam ini.... I've tasted that Heaven to me, after long time, I feel that Presence of God. And yes, that's Heaven to me!


If you feel the same, kalau kamu udah lamaaa banget gak feel His presence, buruan sama-sama kita kejer Tuhan lagi, yuk. He's a very good father, He promised, everyone who seeks Him will find Him. :")

ps: kemaren malem masa tiba-tiba mewek cuma gara-gara liat quote ini..


karena, kita pasti banyak merenung pas malem, banyak bikin dosa juga pasti di malam hari. Mikir Tuhan jahat dan gak adil juga pasti di malam hari. Terus pas kesel-keselan sama Tuhan, ketiduran... Terus pas bangun, bayangin....... Tuhan masih ada sama kita. Tuhan masih nungguin kita bangun tidur. Sesetia itu Tuhan sama kita. GIMANA GAK MEWEK KAN ;"""(

yauda gitu aja, betewe... it's 01:58 and i'm hungry... tapi timbangan udah naik terus! HEHE oke deh bye.

20 January 2018

Sampai Akhir Hidupku


Bapa, Engkau mengenalku
Lebih dari siapapun
Engkau tahu, ceritaku
Dan isi hatiku

Tak peduli masa lalu
Engkau tetap memilihku
Ubahkanku, sempurnakan
Jadi karya yang indah


Kini aku percaya
Tiada yang mustahil bagi-Mu
Kuasa-Mu, kuatkanku
Dasar kuberharap

Kini aku berserah
Pada rancangan-Mu bagiku
Kuikuti panggilan-Mu
'Kukan setia
Sampai akhir hidupku
So, I've been in love with this song lately.....

Why? Because I think, this song described Christianity perfectly. 

Verse 1 bilang kalau Tuhan tahu kita, lebih dari apapun, lebih dari siapapun.
Verse 2 bilang meskipun Tuhan tahu masa lalu kita buruk, bahkan sampai sekarang juga masih struggling jatuh dalam dosa terus, tapi Tuhan nggak peduli, He still wants us, with all the flaws, dan Dia yang akan mengukir kita semakin serupa sama Dia.
Chorus 1 bilang kalau kita harus percaya sama Tuhan, soalnya bagi Dia, gak ada yang mustahil. And He is the only source of strength.
Chorus 2 bilang kita harus berserah sepenuhnya sama Dia dan ikutin maunya Dia, sampai akhir.

Isn't that Christianity is all about?

Picked up from dust, dari tempat paling nggak layak (Grace) and mold into what He wants us to be (Surrender) sampai akhirnya kita tetap setia sama Dia. (Faithful)

*Belakangan lagi mood swings parah banget, and effected to many things in my life, termasuk my spiritual.

A LOT OF THINGS happened, A lot.
Mengubah gwe mungkin dari yang dulu sering banget sharing my minds, I had mentor once. Dan semakin kesini, semakin beranjak dewasa, entah kenapa gwe jadi apatis. I'm more keeping all those thought by myself.

And I know the only one who can catch me afterall is only God.

Setiap intimidasi itu dateng...... keinget lirik ini,
"Tak peduli masa lalu, Engkau tetap memilihku.."

Setiap pengen give up... keinget lirik ini,
"Kini aku percaya, tiada yang mustahil bagiMu.."

Setiap pengen kabur sendiri... keinget lirik ini,
"Kini aku berserah, pada rancanganMu bagiku..
... sampai akhir hidupku."



I don't know what happens with you lately, but if you go through the same as mine, hope this song will bless you too...

*salam 2018,

Tuhan Yesus beneran mau dateng guys :") Okebay. HEHE



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14 December 2017

Broken Mirror

Have you watched Thor Ragnarok belom? If you haven't, I suggest you to watch it soon.

This post may become a little spoiler for those who haven't watched it tho. Jadi, alkisah kita gak akan banyak melihat Thor pake palu ajaibnya itu di pilem ini karena palunya... pecah. Thor feels he's powerless. Selama ini dia kan 'berlindung' di balik palu ajaibnya itu. Once gone, separuh jiwaku pergi, kalau kata Thor.

One moment pas dia lagi perang, tanpa palunya, dia uda pasrah bakal mati. Lucunya, beberapa detik sebelum dia dibabat habis si musuh, dia kayak ketemu bokapnya di alam lain dan bokapnya ingetin dia.. "Are you a god of hammer, or a god of lightning?" kira-kira doski ngomong begitu.

Tul ugak. Lalu si Thor sadar, lah iya.. Gwe kan dewa petir bukan dewa palu. Kekuatan gwe bukan di palu, tapi di petir. Mungkin si Thor kira-kira mikir begitu. Then dia mengumpulkan segenap kekuatannya buat datengin petir dari langit and fight against his enemy and he wins!

...

Kadang, or keseringan, kita kayak si Thor. Instead of inget kalau kita anaknya siapa, kita 'berlindung' di balik identitas. Berlindung di balik 'tuntutan' orang lain ke kita. Berlindung di balik 'kenyamanan', berlindung di balik 'status', berlindung di balik 'jabatan', berlindung di balik 'muka cantik, wajah ganteng, otak pinter'. Or whatever you name it.

Know what, that was what Satan does. Dia pengin kita punya paradigma kalau identitas kita ditentukan dari apa yang kita pegang. From visible things. Likes di setiap post? Followers di Instagram? Viewers di Youtube? Merk Handphone? Merk Laptop? All visible things, you name it.

What I want to say is, kalau apa yang ada di tangan kita lenyap, kita pasti jadi gampang merasa unworthy, unloved, lonely and desperate. Our identity is much more than that. Our identity leans on what is unseen. Kayak Thor, dia dewa petir, emang dia bawa petirnya kemana-mana? Gak. But He knows he got that power and authority.

Our identity is we are the sons and daughters of the Most High. Tapi kita sering lupa sama identitas kita sendiri gara-gara keasikan main sama apa yang kasat mata. Iblis tahu that identity is so powerful makanya dia bikin kita jadi lupa dan gak sadar sama identitas kita. Soalnya kalau kita sadar identitas kita, duh.. iblis mah langsung tergeletak di kaki kita. Beneran. Tapi gwe, dan elu kadang lupa that we have that BIG power. Kita malah terlena dengan segala lies yang dilemparkan sama iblis.

"Lu gak berharga. Lu tuh udah bikin dosa.."
"Lu gak berguna, lu bisa apa sih? Nyanyi fals, gambar jelek, muka cemongan, ngomong gak becus.."
"Gak ada yang sayang sama elu, followers aja dari 2 tahun lalu cuma 50 biji.. Duh!"

All those lies muter-muter di pikiran kita, and make our soul grow weary. Kita jadi apatis sama sekeliling, kita jadi bodo amat, whatever will be will be. Geeez!

This identity topic has been in my mind for 2 weeks. Dan lucunya, bisa-bisa kayak my surroundings juga bahas hal serupa. Di www.elijahlist.com ini salah satunya.


If you and I are aware with our identity as children of Christ, then how we think will change, how we see will change. How we act will change, how we speak will change. Because we know we have the POWER to control it. We have the POWER to make life to the death and death to the life.

.........
updated: i was plan to give this article's title is, "Your identity is your weapon." Tapi berminggu-minggu ini postingan cuma gwe save di draft dan belum gwe post entah kenapa. Then, something happened. Kemarin gue didoain pastor dari LA, he's a prophet. Banyak yang dia doain buat gwe. But one thing I remembered, dia bilang, selama ini gue melihat diri gue with a broken mirror. While God creates me so beautifully and perfect, I saw myself with broken mirror. Paham dong? Kalau kaca retak dan pecah, otomatis kita gak bisa lihat diri kita clearly. Yang idungnya aslinya mancung, di kaca jadi mencong. Some kind like that. Many things bisa bikin kaca kita retak dan pecah, omongan pedes orangtua, omongan negatif sahabat, omongan guru, pacar, all negative things. While, we all are created wonderfully and perfectly. So, masih mau ngaca pake broken mirror lagi? I am not.

11 December 2017

Dedicated Post

I have once read this quote and somehow agreed with what's written.

"Some people don't know how to fall in love, like not knowing how to swim. They panic first when they jump in. Then they figure it out."

I am.

All these years, I imagined the love as the butterflies in your stomach, that romantic look in the eye everytime you see that person you love.

Me? I was sick for 7 days the day someone told me he loved me. HEHE.
Ya, singkatnya begitu.

People say, fall in love with a writer, then you'll be eternal. Sadly for these past 2 years i'm in 'kinda relationship' with someone, i've never written anything about him. So here I am, try to describe my feelings and my complicated story with a numb thumb (baru kejedot pintu dan berdarah zzz).

I'm in a relationship. A kinda complicated one.

When I decided to be with him.
Lots of people against him.
My parents (they still are), my circles, my friends.
Because of the look, they say.
Because of the wealth, they say.
Because of the sprituality, they say.
Because of the tribe, they say.

People easily judge a book by his cover.
People judge him by his outlook.
And if you give him a glance, you may agree with the rest of them,
That I "deserve" better.

But with him,
I learn many things.

I learn that love means accepting weaknesses.
I learn that love means still pursue our passion, yet we have to support each other.
I learn that love means sacrifice. Sacrifice your ego, your self-centered want.
I learn that love means you want the best for your spouse, no matter what costs.
I learn that love means always supporting each other.
I learn that love means you willing to face whatever may happen, together.
I learn that love doesn't always started in romantic eye-glazing.
I learn that love doesn't come in the same way as it comes to others' lives.
I learn that love is not falling, but grow.
I learn how to grow in love.
Most importantly,
I learn all of traits described in corinthians 13.

He is patient.
He is kind.
He does not envy.
He does not boast.
He is not proud.
He does not dishonor others (kadang ngebully orang sih dikit lol)
He does not self seeking
He is not easily angered (hmmmmmm HAHAHA)
He keeps no record of wrongs.
He does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
He always protects, always trusts, he always hopes, he always perseveres.

And if you read this (surely you will), once in these 2 years, let me list down these for you.

I love you the most when you worship Jesus.
I love you the most when you are on stage, playing your instrument, close your eyes and worship.
I love you the most when you are on your drum sets.
I love you the most when you play with children.
I love you the most when you care to the weirdest person in our community.
I love you the most when you always give.
I love you the most when you always try to do your best, even when people look down on you.
I love you the most when you always let others be better than you.
I love you the most when you give your money to the poor when I know there isn't much left in your wallet.
I love you the most, because you love me more than my most.

Idk how this will be end.
But I hope we'll have the happy ending.


As how God showed me the rainbow as a sign of His promises for this relationship,
As how the prophet told you that He will give you what you asked for,
I hope we'll share the good and bad for more years to come.

Imanuel.
God with us, always.
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06 November 2017

NEW DOMAIN AFTER 8 YEARS OF BLOGGING!

I'm sorry for the capslock! HEHE

But here it is.... finally setelah 8 tahun blogging, you don't have to type www.storyaboutteen.blogspot.com to jump in to my blog. Now you can only type WWW.STORYABOUTTEEN.COM. yeaaaay.. Yes, I'm buying a domain! *niat ya* 

It's counted also as a push supaya gwe semakin rajin menulis. I don't know if you ever read how this blog was made, soalnya kayaknya gwe pernah ngepost tapi lupa judul postingannya apa.



Long short story, blog ini bermula dari 2009 dimana gwe abis putus cinta kala itu. Gwe menumpahkan perasaan gwe di diary, buku biasa yang akhirnya dibaca sama nyokap dan malah kena omel karena ketahuan pacaran. Pft. Di saat-saat itulah temen gwe nawarin bikin blog, katanya gak bakal mungkin dibaca nyokap because orangtua mana saat itu yang paham soal internet dan blog.

So I started to write at that moment, awalnya kisah-kisah sedih patah hati doang. Tapi lama-lama kok malu sendiri ya. Then I started to write better things, better articles. And here I am, 8 years later. I'm still trying to write meski udah (sok) sibuk. HEHE. 

Btw, that moment taught me many things. Salah satunya adalah to open my eyes to realize that I have capability to write. Gak mau sombong, but in my 8 years journey of writing, I have received a lot of messages, email, Instagram DMs from my friends to strangers how they're blessed by my writing. 

All glory to God. That was what they called mess into message, test into testimony. Soalnya kalau dulu gwe ga patah hati, I will never write a blog and I will never know that my passion is in WRITING. 

Yeah... So here I am.... Thank you for read this! Thank you if you are one of those people who stick with me for years. Or even if you are newbie to this blog, enjoy reading all my upside down journey, with Christ especially.

Oh ya, and why STORY ABOUT TEEN? Because I was a TEENager back then, gwe cuma mau encourage orang-orang saat itu kalau, kalian gak sendirian. Karena admit it, momen remaja itu momen paling rumit. Momen di mana kita aja gak paham sama diri kita sendiri. 

The other reason is because people call me Teen (alias Titin) HEHE. Ini versi keren aja dibuat jadi teen. So, yes, it's about my story that I wish can be a lesson learnt, an encouragement for my reader.

Enjoy!


Love,
Teen.